shalu thinks of america
shalu is a girl. she lives in india. shalu is beautiful. she is tall and skinny and has huge doe eyes. shalu is smart.
shalu's mother arranged a marriage for her. shalu got married. shalu's husband is in the army. they hardly ever see each other. shalu writes her husband letters. one weekend, shalu's husband came home. she had not seen him in three months. shalu could tell that he wanted her very badly. he told her about missing her, and about not seeing girls for months. shalu and her husband had sex.
shalu's husband left the next day and shalu was alone in her house. something felt different to shalu, something about the way the air moved for her when she walked through it. shalu felt sick. shalu often felt sick. shalu was too thin.
shalu waited for his letters but it was difficult for them to reach her because of the border police. shalu got sick every morning. shalu cried and held her stomach. she thought she was pregnant.
shalu did not know how to take care of a baby. she was the youngest in a family of 4 girls. her father drank himself to death for lack of sons. shalu did not want to raise a family alone, without a husband. she knew what it looked like there, and it was a desparate life. it was a hard life. shalu's life had already been too hard. shalu worried about her husband getting killed. one day, he called her. she said, "i am pregnant." he told her she was too sick and too thin. she cannot have a baby, he said.
she sat on the edge of her bed and smoothed her sari. it was red and ornate, it was custom to wear this for months after a marriage. she wondered what that meant- you cannot have a baby.
but i am, thought shalu. but i am.
shalu decided to go to delhi. it had been three months, she had no period and was throwing up every morning. she could feel the baby in her tiny concave stomach. she touched it and said she was sorry. she said she was so sorry, but nothing in her life had been less her fault. she touched the dune on her stomach and willed the baby to understand this.
shalu got on a train to go to delhi. she had an appointment, she would have an abortion. she wished she was in america. in america, she imagined, you dont have to take 12 hour train rides to have an abortion. shalu closed her eyes and thought of america. shalu folded her hands above her stomach and closed her eyes. she did not sleep.
shalu is a girl.
shalu's mother arranged a marriage for her. shalu got married. shalu's husband is in the army. they hardly ever see each other. shalu writes her husband letters. one weekend, shalu's husband came home. she had not seen him in three months. shalu could tell that he wanted her very badly. he told her about missing her, and about not seeing girls for months. shalu and her husband had sex.
shalu's husband left the next day and shalu was alone in her house. something felt different to shalu, something about the way the air moved for her when she walked through it. shalu felt sick. shalu often felt sick. shalu was too thin.
shalu waited for his letters but it was difficult for them to reach her because of the border police. shalu got sick every morning. shalu cried and held her stomach. she thought she was pregnant.
shalu did not know how to take care of a baby. she was the youngest in a family of 4 girls. her father drank himself to death for lack of sons. shalu did not want to raise a family alone, without a husband. she knew what it looked like there, and it was a desparate life. it was a hard life. shalu's life had already been too hard. shalu worried about her husband getting killed. one day, he called her. she said, "i am pregnant." he told her she was too sick and too thin. she cannot have a baby, he said.
she sat on the edge of her bed and smoothed her sari. it was red and ornate, it was custom to wear this for months after a marriage. she wondered what that meant- you cannot have a baby.
but i am, thought shalu. but i am.
shalu decided to go to delhi. it had been three months, she had no period and was throwing up every morning. she could feel the baby in her tiny concave stomach. she touched it and said she was sorry. she said she was so sorry, but nothing in her life had been less her fault. she touched the dune on her stomach and willed the baby to understand this.
shalu got on a train to go to delhi. she had an appointment, she would have an abortion. she wished she was in america. in america, she imagined, you dont have to take 12 hour train rides to have an abortion. shalu closed her eyes and thought of america. shalu folded her hands above her stomach and closed her eyes. she did not sleep.
shalu is a girl.
posted by Jessica Baxter | 3:46 PM
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